Numb
by Penniless Bohemian
Summary: the pennyless boho is back baby! why did christian leave in the first place? uses linkin park's numb


The Pennyless Boho is back baby!!!!

Ever wonder why our penniless poet left his bourgeois life in the first place? Well here's my reason...uses Linkin' Park's numb. The "Freedom" poem is not mine! It can be found on the Moulin Rouge 2nd disc. This idea has been pestering me since I first listened to Numb. I cried and immediately thought of this... it just took awhile for it to get in writing.

A/N: Moulin rouge = Baz, numb = linkin' park, me =nothing

_Freedom is calling  
Here inside my room  
Freedom is waiting  
I will get there soon  
Freedom is shouting  
I hear its angry voice  
Freedom is crying  
Asking for a choice_

XXX

"This is the proudest day of my life!" Christian's father said excitedly.

Christian dreaded this day. He sank deeper into his father's chair. Today was the day he would be presented to the board and officially be made a partner of the 'James and Son' family business and inherit his father's company. His father would always brag about how he built it from almost nothing and how his huge empire would one day be his son's. Everything would belong to the idealistic dreamer, but Christian couldn't do it.

"Father..." He said, looking up. "I need to talk to you I'm- - "

"My boy, you don't know what this means to me..." Mr. James continued absentmindedly as he looked out his office window.

"Father please!" Christian finally stood up and said. "I'm I'm leaving"

"You're what?!" His father growled. He couldn't believe it. 'What's this boy thinking? Is he trying to ruin me? If this boy says 'Montmarte' I'm going to...'

"I can't do this father...," Christian said nervously at first. "I cant live your life. I cant be, what you want me to be." He looked at his prized typewriter and smiled. "I want to live up my dream and become a writer... so I've decided. The worlds changing and I want to change with it!"

"I thought we had already discussed this." Christian's father scowled.

Christian became silent and merely shook his head. "Please father, I need to write, I have to. It's just in me to do so. So I'm going to Montmarte to write about Beauty, Freedom, Truth, and above all things, Love." Christian gleamed. "Whether you like it or not!"

"Montmarte?! Why that place is nothing more than a village of sin!"

Christian picked up his belongings. " They're waiting Christian..."

"Love?! Always this ridiculous obsession with love!" His father continued.

'It's not ridiculous!' Christian fired back in his mind. His strict up bringing forced him to keep calm. "You never approve of anything I wanted to do...," Christian said, just above a whisper. "I can never satisfy you, huh father? I'm never good enough..." The pain showed in Christian's gray eyes, but he wouldn't cry. He was stronger than that.

"You'll end up wasting your life at the Moulin Rouge with a can-can dancer!" His father threatened.

Christian had had enough. He threw off his tie and collar and sang;

_Tired of being what you want me to be  
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface_

Christian knew he would never be able to live up to his father's expectations. And he knew he would never be able to follow his dreams if he didn't leave.

_Don't know what you're expecting of me  
__Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes_

His father would always push Christian to be just like him, but he was never good enough. But Christian didn't want to live under his father's shadow. It wasn't him.

_Every step that I take is another mistake to you_

Christian headed towards the door, his father, right behind him. Christian turned to his father and cried;

_I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
become so tired so much more aware  
I'm becoming this, all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you_

Mr. James pulled Christian's shoulder in an effort to stop his son from walking out on him. Christian stopped walking as he felt his father's tense presence.

_Can't you see that you're smothering me  
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control  
Cause everything that you thought I would be  
Has fallen apart right in front of you_

Christian knew his father wouldn't take him leaving very well. In fact, he never took anything Christian aspired to be very well.

_Every step that I take is another mistake to you_

"I cant live up to your expectations..." Christian said honestly. "I need to live my life."

_And every second I waste is more than I can take_

'He's putting too much pressure on me, why can't he see that?' His father continued to scold him, but none of it seem to be registering to Christian. Besides, he had heard it all before. "You'll be so miserable you'll end up sauciling down absinthe!"

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there  
become so tired, so much more aware  
I'm becoming this, all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you_

Christian turned the door knob and looked back at his father, who was leaning his head against the mantle piece. In all his frustration he shouted;

_And I know  
I may end up failing too  
But I know  
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you_

All these years and Mr. James never realized that he was holding his son back. And all these years, Christian never realized that his father only wanted the best for him.

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there  
become so tired, so much more aware  
I'm becoming this, all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you_

Christian's father felt those words go through him in an unforgettable way.

_I've become so numb I can't feel you there_

Mr. James sang to his son. He never felt so apart from his son in all his life.

_Tired of being what you want me to be_

Christian cried out loud,

His father's shoulders slumped as he looked helplessly at his son. He couldn't stop him. He paused as a negative remark tried to come out his mouth; instead he simply looked up at his son, smiled a bit and sang

_I've become so numb I can't feel you there_

Christian raised his eyebrow and smiled back knowingly as he sang to himself one last time.

_Tired of being what you want me to be_

XXX 

Again! Some of the words can be found on the 2nd moulin rouge disc under original script ideas.

what you think? Man its been so long since an idea went past me. I'm just happy I was able to write this!!!

And I hope this is only the beginning. I'm hoping for this one idea to come out. Satine chooses fame and fortune over love! The duke over our penniless poet! Meaning yeah, another story, but I'm going to have to finish my other story first!


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